Hi All,
I am not going to do to much of an intro on this post as Barbara covered it so well. She is an amazing fighter and her story is something we should all learn from, that each day is not guaranteed to anyone. Cherish each day with your loved ones. Here is Barbara's story:
I have been in two minds about writing this article for this
lovely blog. I have decided to do this though, for if I can make a difference
to one person suffering from a terminal illness, it would be worth the while
sharing something so personal.
In October 2013 I was diagnosed with a T Cell Lymphoma/Leukaemia
a rare type of blood cancer. I had visited the doctor the week before and
the patient before me left his room in tears and it is with sadness I learned
he was diagnosed with an advanced cancer. I remember it so well, the sadness I felt for this man I
did not know. I could not even comprehend the emotions he felt at the
time. I sent a quick prayer for him and thanked God for my health and all the
other blessings in my life.
You can imagine my shock and disbelief to hear the same only but
a week later. It’s true, nothing can prepare you for this news. It destroys
your very foundation.
What amazed me the most was the fear not for myself, but for my
husband and two beautiful sons. How do you tell them it’s going to be okay when
you are not sure yourself. Will God spare me long enough to see my little one
grow up or share their special moments yet to come. Will I be there to
see my sons wed or have children? Who will be there for them once I am gone?
Will my husband be able to deal with his grief and still be able to give
my children the support they need? These are only but a few of the questions
that race through your mind a thousand times a day. You always read
these motivational messages of encouragement and all of a sudden they seem like
empty words, meant for someone else.
Waiting for additional results to determine staging and
treatment really took its toll on my sanity and my faith. You question whether
there is God and if there is, why would he do this to you and your loved ones?
You wonder how long do I have to live, will I suffer, if so, when and how
long? You are faced with questions for whom there are no clear
answers. You put on a brave face every day for you cannot allow
the: “What if?” get you or loved ones down. You need to
alleviate their fears and at the same time deal with your own. You know
that as long as you show its okay, they will be okay and it gives you the
precious time to learn to deal and come to terms of what you need to do.
My sister-in-law gave this tiny book called: “What Cancer
cannot take from you”. I read it that night and came to the realization
that I could not continue on this road of doubt and fear. It added no
value. The support from my husband, kids and family really helped me through
this very dark and uncertain time, but I realized If I wanted to stand a chance
to win this fight, I had to get my mind right. The only person that could do
this for me was me…
I had to put aside my fears of changes that treatment would
bring, the fear of hearing your treatment did work. The disappointment of
hearing there is a possible cure, but it’s too expensive and we will have to look
at alternative treatments. Deal with side effects of radiation and months
of pain and discomfort. You have to daily deal with the uncertainty
of what the future hold and dare you plan.
I have lost a friend this past two weeks who bravely fought her
own cancer and gave it a run right to the end, although she dealt with her own
demons, she always had a word or two of encouragement or a joke to cheer you up
when you needed it most. On her death bed, her thoughts was not for herself,
but for her friends suffering from this dreadful disease and her young son who
already lost a farther and now his mother. I have seen friends lost loved
ones unexpectedly and had a few who escaped death by the breath of a
hair and realized that no one’s tomorrow is guaranteed.
As long as you wake up and you have another day to make a
difference we should be grateful. How you spend that day is all
that matters. Give some of yourself to others and make
a difference whilst you can. We all fall and make mistakes, but we
need stand up, dust off and give it another go.
It has not been an easy journey and its far
is from over, keeping the faith in your darkest hour is not easy, but if you
allow it, God will walk this journey with you and give you the strength you
need as hard as it is to believe. Have faith in the future He has planned for
you. It might not be what you planned, but what matters at the end of the
day is the legacy you leave behind, whether it is a day, a week or ten
years from now. Try to live a good life and do what matters and hope that
it inspires others.
Thank you for reading my post,
Love Barbara
